** Movie script and info ** EGG Fund grant proposal ** Short / Proof-of-Concept ** Soundtrack ** Script reviews **

Movie script and info

The summary/logline: Saul puts the “action” into climate action, flirting with young women and roping them into volunteering for a carbon tax ballot measure campaign in Utah… but then he falls for Grace.  

Here’s the latest script (Nov 1, 2026). Here’s a draft scene list (filming schedule) / $500k budget. Here’s an old pitch deck in PDF (and in PPT, both from Feb 2026). Feedback, suggestions, and  funding ideas are welcome! (Note that we have fiscal sponsorship through E2AC if you’re looking to make a tax-deductible donation!) FYI the script for the screenplay is adapted from the stage play, which has the same summary/logline and is described in more detail here. (This archived notes page covers both.)

EGG Fund $30k grant proposal (Oct 30, 2026)

Here’s our proposal for funding (PDF, Word, Excel summary) that we submitted Oct 30 2026 to the U of U Office of Sustainability’s EGG Fund (Experiential Green Grant) program. Results expected in a month or so!

Short / Proof-of-Concept

We filmed a short on Sept 19-20, 2026. It’s still being edited, but here’s some amazing stills, here’s even more stills plus other info, and here’s the script. And FYI “we” includes director Jeremy Mathews (LinkedIn, Vimeo), DP Bryan Stewart (LinkedIn, MediaStew.tv), 1AC Jake Dickey (LinkedIn, see also this Instagram), DIT Bradford Jones (website), sound Brendan Cheng, ADs Doug Sands, Sienna Smith, and Destiny Moreno, hair and make-up Giada Pennino and Charlotte Barnett Shirley, boom operator Fred Winter, craft services Laura Gee, photography Brian Gee, jib assembly Keven Gee, and cast members Luke Logan and Cassandra Dae Sanchez as the romantic leads SAUL and GRACE; Ifeyinwa Onyekonwu as Grace’s best friend NIKKI; and Ben Hilzer as LANCE. We also did a table read (with this script, from Aug 23) that included Julie Slack as KATHERINE, Doug Sands as a dozen different minor male characters, and Sienna Smith as a dozen different minor female characters.

Soundtrack ideas

Here’s our dream soundtrack, along with some notes about the music rights we need: sync rights (publishing copyrights) and/or master use (recording) rights:

Movie script reviews

Note that these were all different reviewers who were looking at various iterations of the script. (If you want an old version with IMHO-valuable hyperlinks, check out this now-outdated Google docs script.)

  1. Black List review Dec 2024 (overall score 7/10 on my first-ever script review, which is top 20% so boy was I excited): “immense potential to be a festival pleaser…  The script radiates positivity.“
  2. Black List review Sept 2 2025 (overall score 7/10): “a very poignant and intellectual love story in a grander sense… a chimera of a film that deserves the attention of Sundance in their championing of scrappy but truly creative and imaginative work.”
  3. BlueCat Screenplay Competition review Sept 2025: “delightfully dorky, goofy, and full of heart… with more sandwich-centered song lyrics than anyone would ever expect. It is a love letter to democracy, and an optimistic call to action to enact change in our own communities… This story is masterfully written… For all of its silly jokes and goofs, there are just as many poignant observations about the nature of people, the United States, and human relationships as a whole… [And] we must mention our protagonist, Saul. What a guy. He’s relentlessly optimistic, driven, and almost…slimy? It’s sort of funny to think about how a guy wearing a sandwich board and asking for signatures can pick up so many girls, but it’s undeniable that he’s got the rizz.”
  4. Scriptapalooza review Nov 2025 (“consider”): “[The] opening six pages are a masterclass in character introduction… a solid three-act structure with clear turning points… dialogue is consistently naturalistic and character-specific… Salt Lake City is beautifully rendered as a character itself… genuinely original… distinctive characters with unique voices, creative use of setting, thematic coherence around democracy and optimism despite long odds… This script has real potential. It’s smart without being pretentious, romantic without being saccharine, and politically engaged without being preachy. With [some improvements], this could be a really special indie film. The kind that plays well at Sundance and finds its audience through word-of-mouth. Keep pushing it. The bones are solid, now it’s about refining the execution.”
  5. FYI there were also some less positive reviews (some of them nonetheless helpful): Black List review May 2025 (overall score 5/10, disappointing after 6 months of hard work); Black List review June 2025 (overall score 3/10, yikes!); Austin Film Festival coverage July 2025 (“pass”, i.e., “we’ll pass on your script”; “definitely a standout conceptually amongst socially conscious indie comedies… The dialogue throughout is often humorous and clever“); Black List review Aug 2025 (overall score 5/10; “the dialogue throughout is consistently sharp, witty, and intelligent“); Black List review Sept 4 2025 (overall score 7/10; “the world-building makes the script more memorable… by adding a unique layer to a popular genre…the dialogue is well-written and full of humor and personality“); Black List review Sept 5 2025 (overall score 5/10; “a lighthearted romantic comedy with a political edge that makes it stand out from the crowd“); Black List review Sept 9 2025 (overall score 5/10; “likable leads… entertaining rom-com-themed hijinks and political commentary”); Black List review Sept 25 2025 (overall score 5/10; “a great effort to bring the world of signature gathering to life”); Black List review Oct 23 2025 (overall score 6/10; “What’s great about this film is that it has an incredibly distinct world… [Also,] Saul is an awesome protagonist…”); Black List review Nov 18 2025 (overall score 5/10); Black List review Nov 29 2025 (overall score 5/10); BlueCat review Dec 2 2025; Black List review Dec 6 2025 (overall score /5/10). Black List review Jan 17 2026 (overall score 6/10); Black List review Jan 30 2026 (overall score 6/10), Black List review Apr 27 2026 (overall score 5/10), ISA review May 8 2026,  Black List review May 20 2026 (overall score 5/10).

Five observations based on the reviews and my own thoughts

  1. Budget could be modest, which is good! “The film could probably be produced for a reasonably low budget” [May 2025]; “Due to its limited locations and fairly limited cast, it would be relatively easy to shoot on a lower budget” [Aug 2025]; “The budget could be kept very low, which is a huge plus” [Sept 5 2025].
  2. The script is getting better! Example #1: early reviews often noted that there was too much dialogue (“Show it, don’t say it”, “exposition could be distilled”, “the story could be told much more succinctly” [Dec 2024];  “reads more like a stage play—mostly dialogue-driven with characters standing around and talking” [June 2025]; “very dialogue heavy” [Austin July 2025]); this criticism is less common in later reviews. Example #2: early reviews often criticized the detailed music suggestions (“The music cues overstep themselves and controls the editing/directing too much and should be cut or kept vague” [Sept 4 2025]; “The inclusion of song lyrics and timestamps is invasive and excessive” [Sept 5 2025]); again, this criticism is less common in later reviews.
  3. Characters are pretty good, but maybe develop them even more—how?? “Saul’s idealism is wonderful, and he gains tons of emotional investment for his plight. With Grace, we get the sense of an educated and well-informed character, yet has a tenderness that makes her empathetic” [Dec 2024]; “[A]n entertaining central relationship… Saul is a charming lead… Grace is a smart female lead” [May 2025]; “Saul’s playful, often flirtatious approach to signature-gathering contrasts nicely with Grace’s more earnest sincerity, creating both tension and charm… The supporting characters add levity and depth, particularly Lance” [June 2025]; “Saul works as a protagonist [but] there could be more to him than what is currently being presented… Grace’s character arc is verging on being a plot device. It feels like she has a lot more to offer… and could be further developed… Nikki’s sarcasm sometimes feels a bit one-note [and] it feels like more comedy could be mined from Katherine’s character… Lance’s character is great, he leaps off the page” [Austin July 2025]; “[Saul and Grace’s] character arcs and overall growth… could be more pronounced… The supporting characters are engaging, particularly Nikki and Lance, who both speak in incredibly unique voices” [Aug 2025]; “There are lapses in tonal control, tied to a character – Lance – who is very well-written, but comes off as a pure device, for he lacks a proper backstory” [Sept 2 2025]; “Lance has an entertaining arc” [Sept 4 2025]”; “Saul and Grace both feel like underdeveloped protagonists, with only one or two character traits and little interiority or depth. What are their true goals and flaws?” [Sept 5 2025]; “Saul and Grace share believable chemistry… fairly forgettable-sounding supporting characters” [Sept 9 2025]. “[And] we must mention our protagonist, Saul. What a guy. He’s relentlessly optimistic, driven, and almost…slimy? It’s sort of funny to think about how a guy wearing a sandwich board and asking for signatures can pick up so many girls, but it’s undeniable that he’s got the rizz” [BlueCat Sept 2025].
  4. Plot is okay (especially opening scenes), but maybe raise the stakes—how?? “There isn’t much conflict getting Saul and Grace together, and there may need to be more cosmic forces pulling them apart… [the characters] may need more ‘on the line'” [Dec 2024]; “the script loses focus and tends to wander without a clear direction… the drama risks feeling too simplistic” [May 2025]; “needs more tension and active conflict… the overall stakes feel relatively low” [June 2025]; “the drama… feels a bit manufactured” [Austin July 2025]; “Saul’s lines make for a hilarious montage where we get to see his talent for getting signatures in action. Saul’s single-mindedness about the campaign is a unique character trait that sets up the story well for the attraction to and eventual conflict with Grace… The plot itself is thin” [Aug 2025]; “The montage nature of the opening act establishing Saul’s practice is very gimmicky, and puts forth a “slick” rom-com ‘fastness’ that mischaracterizes the more sophisticated elements” [Sept 2 2025]; “The script shines brightest when diving into Saul’s little sub-culture… [Saul and Grace’s] first scene together really sells their chemistry and attraction to each other while also setting up Saul’s flaw in a subtle way… the fight between [Saul] and Grace feels manufactured and driven solely for the sake of plot” [Sept 4 2025]; “The script’s opening and final acts arguably read as the most engaging parts of the script” [Sept 9 2025]; “This script goes VERY light on conflict in the last 20-30 pages” [BlueCat Sept 2025]; “The story is too uneventful” [Sept 25 2025].
  5. Themes (serious and sandwich) are worth thinking about more. There’s a serious political/environmental/Sisyphus theme (about commitment and “try try again” and the challenges of committing to another person [romance] or to millions of other people [democracy]) that is good but could maybe be stronger: “The script introduces interesting issues about the environment and the responsibility of making democracy work” [May 2025]; “Against the backdrop of today’s political climate, the story uses the struggle for a climate change initiative as a poignant foundation for a romance. The recurring theme—likening politics and relationships to Sisyphus’s endless push uphill—feels especially resonant” [June 2025]; “The central issue Saul’s canvassing is focused on, climate change, is given very little oxygen in the script” [Austin July 2025]; “The premise invites us to contemplate questions around democracy and its pros and cons within the context of our political process.” [Aug 2025]; “The environmental angle is another big positive, lending a sense of importance to the story and creating an opportunity to spread positive political statements without becoming overly serious or severe” [Sept 5 2025]; “It is a love letter to democracy, and an optimistic call to action to enact change in our own communities” [BlueCat Sept 2025]. There’s also a sandwich theme that I love but not everybody does: “The sandwich-themed humor is comical but also gets repetitive” [May 2025]; “the sandwich jokes get tiresome after a while” [Austin July 2025]; “The sandwich-based humor gets old incredibly quickly and accounts for a massive percentage of the jokes in the film” [Sept 5 2025].

PS. Here’s the Oct 7 script and a flyer (old: Word, PDF).

PG bits

Here’s my account of PG bits, i.e., parts that are even the slightest bit risqué (note that many of these can be edited if needed):

  • Scene 1: There’s a suggested clip of music from “Sometimes It Takes Balls to Be a Woman” (Elizabeth Cook, 2007); this song is about women’s empowerment, not sex, but still: balls. Also, BOB/LANCE says “I like dirty air” with a suggestion that perhaps he could say it in a sexy/dirty way.
  • Scene 2: LANCE drinks beer. NIKKI makes a sandwich joke about “condiments”, a play on words with “condoms”. And the suggested end-of-scene music involves smoking, drinking, and flirting.
  • Scene 3: Lots of double entendre at the beginning when GRACE and SAUL talk about signature-gathering being “hot”, “You were amazing last night”, etc.
  • Scene 4: There’s a line about how in politics “it helps to have a sausage and some white bread.”
  • Scene 6: LANCE drinks beer, and LANCE and SAUL talk about The Myth of Sisyphus, an essay by French philosopher Albert Camus about whether suicide is an appropriate response to the absurd futility of life. (He argues that it isn’t: “One must imagine Sisyphus happy. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”)
  • Scene 8: At the end, GRACE and SAUL (back-to-back, both wearing sandwich boards) rub up against each other, and GRACE  says something suggestive in response to a question from SAUL (“What are going to do between now and then?” / “I’ve got some ideas”).
  • Scene 9: LANCE drinks beer. He also tells a vasectomy joke.

Film festivals and deadlines